Know any guaranteed successful pick up lines?
I sure do. These always seem to do the trick for me:
– You’re reasonably attractive. I’m reasonably attractive. Let’s say you and I head back and have a reasonably enjoyable time at my perfectly adequate studio apartment.
– You must be Palestine and I must be Israel because I’d really just like to occupy your territories right now. Fuck what the world says.
– I’m a virgin.
– We are anatomically constructed in such a way that as rational, intelligent beings I believe we should consider engaging in a physical, potentially romantic act that would bring at least modest amounts of pleasure to all parties. Hey.
– I can see in your eyes that you believe any uprising against the capitalist state must be led by the working class, acting through a class-conscious revolutionary vanguard party.
– Here, let’s get that gag on you now.
– Be famous. It doesn’t matter what you’re famous for, but rest assured someone out there will fuck you because of it. Be Twitter famous if you have to.
– Be rich. Studies have shown that having a trust fund enlarges primary and secondary sexual characteristics in men and women, respectively. I’m saying it makes your tits and/or cock bigger.
– Start a blog, but that’s just plain common sense.
Need help? Submit your questions to davischarles 84 (AT) gmail (dot) com. And just so you know, the working title of this column is to be pronounced like so.