Beware the Islamic Republic of Candyland!

“Fafblog!” — by far my favorite largely dormant blog — has a timely rundown of what we know about Iran’s covert, super-secret, hidden nuclear Islamo-fascist weapons program, helpfully broken down into a question-and-answer format. A selection:

Q: Is Iran a threat?

A: Oh yes. Even as we speak Iran is potentially starting the beginnings of a very possibly quite almost-real hypothetically nuclear weapons program!

Q: Oh no! How many nuclear weapons does Iran already have?

A: Counting warheads, ICBMs, mid- and long-range missiles, ABMs, tactical nukes, bunker-busters and submarine-based weaponry, the full nuclear arsenal of Iran at this moment is very rapidly just beginning to quite possibly approach a number just short of one!

Q: That makes them almost as deadly as the rogue nation of Whoville or the Islamic Republic of Candyland!

A: And they could be just months away from an actual bomb!

Q: But they’ve been just months away from a bomb for years now.

A: I know! Which means in terror years, Iran already has a bomb… in your child’s precious brain!

Q: But that’s where she keeps her sugarplum dreams!

A: That’s why it’s up to us to already have being stopped them!

Q: What will Iran do with nuclear weapons?

A: Terrible things. For a start, it will have them.

Q: Oh no!

A: And once it has them, it can threaten to use them, if anyone else tries to use them on them.

Q: There would be no defense against their self-defense.

A: They pose an existential threat to our ability to existentially threaten them.

And a question for those of you who have ever spent any time reading the pseudo-scholars at hate sites like Little Green Fascists over the years: “If we say Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s name three times, will the Hidden Imam pop out of our warblog and kill us with his hook hand?”

Ahmadinejad! Ahmadinejad! Ahmadin–

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About Charles Davis

A writer and producer with whose work has aired on television and radio and been published by outlets such as Al Jazeera, The Intercept, The Nation and The New Republic.
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